Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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