After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
