i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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