That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
