I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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