so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
