So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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