I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
