after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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