I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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