So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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