I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
