There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize