the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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