somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
