Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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