I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
