My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
