OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
