gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
