The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
