I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
