ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
