Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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