I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
