sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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