I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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