just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
