ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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