yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
did you just send me my own nude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
