just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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