So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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