I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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