Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Randomize
