i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
