So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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