life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
