Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
