i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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