Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
