Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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