Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
