i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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