I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
