I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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