Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
