so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
