I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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