Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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