And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
