I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
