I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
