Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
