FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
