apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
