so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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