eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
