I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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