People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
