haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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