I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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