coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
