you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
