She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
