I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
