I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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