Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
