theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
