Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
