Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
