I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
