Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
