Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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