that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
