I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
