dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
